My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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