Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
