This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
