Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
