i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
