I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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