1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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