Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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