so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
