Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
