what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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