You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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