lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
