I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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