I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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