i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
