I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
