Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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