she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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