He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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