fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
