True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
