i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
