dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
