no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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