I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
