HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
