Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
