we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
