Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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