I will die if light touches me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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