He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
