I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
