Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he was CRYING into my vagina
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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