the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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