i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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