just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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