If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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