Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A bitchslap is in order.
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