I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
