i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
