im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he shaved USA in his pubs
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
