Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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