And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
