It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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