I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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