Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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