I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
