I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
