i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
