I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
