We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
