I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize