He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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