So drunk its hurt
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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