did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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