its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
