yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
