question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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