Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
