Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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