i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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