The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
