If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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