sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
