i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
