I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
