We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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