Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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