she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
