Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
