I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
