sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
