i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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