I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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